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Intimate thoughts from your pet's diary

May 27, 2007 - Amy Jo Hanna-Eckenrode

Thanks to my non-dog loving buddy, Erik, for passing along the following hysterical email! You're sure to enjoy the truthfulness whether you have a dog or cat: 


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt
me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am.  Hmpfh.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could  hear
the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies."  I
must learn what this means, and how to use it
to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my  tormentors By weaving around
his feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
more than willing to return.  He is obviously

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe. For now...

I am looking for: