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The Rough Cut 4-29-11: Turn off the royal wedding

April 29, 2011 - Keith Frederick
What are you doing as you read this? Are you watching coverage of the royal wedding? If so, please roll this paper up — tightly now — and hit yourself over the head. Afterward, please resume your reading. Why should anyone outside of Britain care about the royal wedding? It doesn’t affect you in any way. Hell, it doesn’t even affect the English in any way, unless Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Charles die suddenly in the next few years. And, even then, I doubt Prince William will suddenly declare the return of an absolute monarchy. Logically, I know the reason: Diana. When William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton in Nov­em­ber, I wrote a column cautioning people not to expect Kate to be William’s late mother. Perhaps I should’ve cautioned people not to become so wrapped up in the wedding. (Which would’ve totally worked, given this column’s massive international readership.) Before the nuptials of Charles and Diana, royal weddings were nothing special; they were followed by only the most devout celebrity watchers. But theirs was the first wedding in the age of television and mass media; it was watched by an estimated 750 million people. Add in Diana’s legacy, Charles’ affair and the constant attention on William and his brother, Prince Harry, and you have an event of epic proportions. But a largely meaningless one, no matter what TV news tells you.

My apologies I hate to do this to you, but I feel the need to talk about Ke$ha. I realize that even reading the word makes you feel like you need a shower, but please hear me out. When Ke$ha first hit the airwaves, I was a fan. “Tik Tok,” despite the whole “one-night stand” vibe it gave off, was catchy and fun. “Your Love is My Drug” was one of my favorite pop songs of last year — despite my fear that my 5-year-old daughter will eventually understand the lyrics and sing the right words. But since then Ke$ha’s songs have gotten ... awful. And not in a musical way. “Awful” meaning, well, look at the songs: From “Take It Off”: “There’s a place downtown, where the freaks all come around/ It’s a hole in the wall, it’s a dirty free-for-all.” (Yay?) From “Sleazy”: “And I don’t wanna go places where all my ladies can’t get in/ Just grab a bottle, some boys, and let’s take it back to my basement.” (Woah, hold on.) From “We R Who We R”: “We’re selling our clothes/ Sleepin’ in cars/ Dressin’ it down/ Hittin’ on dudes/ Hard.” (Is this an After School Special?) Take these songs and lyrics and add them to Ke$ha’s “look” — basically a coked-up, slutty party girl who hasn’t slept in days — and her public appearances — telling the world on “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” that her resolution was “to not be a d------bag” — and ... well, it ain’t a pretty picture. Ke$ha’s latest single, “Blow” — it’s not about what you’re thinking — seems like a straight-forward dance track. And, though it’s extremely repetitive, there’s nothing offensive there, and I hope that’s the direction she moves toward. Otherwise, they’re gonna have to start selling her records with some hand sanitizer. Mirror Staff Writer Keith Frederick’s column runs monthly in Go. He can be reached at 946-7466 or by emailing kfrederick@ altoonamirror.com.

 
 

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