A few weeks ago, I turned the ripe old age of 47. My former good friend Buck Frank said to me, "Scotty, you're only three years from taking part in the Golden Games for seniors in Blair County."
Twist the knife in my back, Buck. Just avoid the smell of Ben Gay.
I never had a problem with growing old before. In fact, I used to celebrate it constantly. Ask my family. Ask my friends. I used to throw my own birthday party every May 16 until these two little characters came into my life on May 8, 2003. (Sorry, Dominic and Vincent). My twins stole my thunder along with a lot of potential gift cards, clothes, CDs and DVDs.
Even back in high school, just needing a reason to have a party at my house, I would throw one right around May 16. It was an excuse to invite friends and, I have to admit, I love getting gifts. As I got older, it was a great chance to get the family together before summer and a better chance to receive a present.
On May 16, 2005, I thought I would receive the best birthday yet - my 40th. My wife asked me if I wanted a party, and, of course, I said ... no! (I meant yes, but in stealing a page from almost every woman on this planet, I said one thing and meant another.)
Ann Marie then told me that she was going to go camping with our daughters that weekend. She never did that before so I figured she was planning a surprise party. She asked me to see if I could get off that Saturday, which just happened to be May 16, and I got that day off to watch the boys so she wouldn't need baby-sitting services from the grandparents. I got the day off. What are the odds?
You know what happened? I sat around waiting for a surprise that never came. They actually went camping.
I spent my 40th birthday at a Burger King in Duncansville with twin 2-year-old boys. That was fun. And it's kind of hard to flirt with other moms when your own kids are dumping french fries and chicken nuggets in the shoe bin of a jungle gym.
The way I look at it now, I will turn 50 in three years, and May 16, 2015, is on a Saturday - a perfect night for someone to throw me a 50th birthday bash. Please read between the lines Franco family.
Until then, I will brush up on my bridge and begin honing my shuffleboard skills for the upcoming Golden Games.
Scott Franco is a member of the Altoona Mirror sports staff, a husband and a father of four. He can be reached at 946-7528 or firstname.lastname@example.org.